How to Start Great Conversations

Now that I've returned from a fantastic trip to the National Recreation and Park Association Conference in Baltimore, I've had a few minutes to look through my notes and business cards. 

Wow, I sure met, spoke to, chatted with and schmoozed with a lot of nice people.  It occurred to me, though, that my gift of gab (some might call it a curse) is something that others might not have.  For some, I realize, talking to strangers, while totally comfortable to me, is a challenge for lots of people. 

So, I'm happy to help those that are a bit networking challenged by sharing bits of a great article called "How to Come Up with Good Conversation Topics" I found on one of my favorite wikiscalled WikiHow - the how-to manual you can edit.

So even if you know how to start a conversation and keep it going, many people don't know what are appropriate topics for professional gatherings.  The article stresses that there are some topics that are downright inappropriate and some are just plain boring. Here are some topics direct from WikiHow to keep the conversation alive while keeping your foot out of your mouth.

1. Offer a genuine compliment like "Those are nice shoes" or "You did a fantastic job with that presentation today" or "I love the way you play the piano." Try to make it a compliment that involves something they did, rather than something they are, because then you can carry the conversation forward by asking them how they did what they did. E.g. "Where did you find the shoes?" or "How did you learn to put together such great presentations?" or "Who taught you to play the piano?" If you tell someone they have beautiful eyes, they can thank you and the conversation ends there.
2. Bring up family. Your safest bet here is siblings. Parents can be a touchy subject for people who had troubled upbringings, have estranged parents, or whose parents have recently passed away. The topic of children can be uncomfortable for couples who are having fertility issues or disagreements about whether to have children, or for a person who wants to have kids but hasn't found the right person or situation. So stick with asking about siblings:
   
   
   • Do you have any siblings? How many?
   • What are their names?
   • Do you look alike?
   • Do you all have similar personalities?
   • Who was the favorite?
   • You could mention a 2007 study which found that the oldest sibling usually has the highest IQ, but younger siblings tend to excel in other areas of life, like sports and arts.^[1] If you have siblings, you can say something like "I know that's true/not true for my family when I was growing up, is it true for yours?"
3. Ask about their travels. Ask the person where they've been; even if they have never left their home town, you can always ask where they want to go.
   
   
   • If you had to permanently relocate to any other country, which one would it be and why?
   • Of all the cities in the world you've visited, which one was your favorite?
   • Where did you go on your last vacation, and how did you like it?
   • What was the worst vacation/trip you ever had?
4. Inquire about food and drink. Food is a little better to talk about because there's always the chance of bumping into someone who has had issues with alcohol abuse, whether they were alcoholics, or they had negative experiences with an alcoholic. So talk about food. Be careful that the conversation doesn't stray into someone going on and on about their diet, how they're trying to lose weight, etc. That can take the conversation in a negative direction.
   
   
   • If you had to choose one last meal before you die, what would it be? (This might be a bit morbid to some, use with care.)
   • What's your favorite breakfast food?
   • Where do you like to go when you eat out?
   • What's the best dish you can cook up?
   • What's your favorite kind of candy?
   • What's the worst restaurant experience you've ever had?
5. Ask about work.This one is especially tricky. Use with care. A date might think you're a gold digger. Or the conversation could end up sounding like a job interview. Still, if you can handle it carefully and keep it short and sweet (and prevent it from turning into a competition over whose job or boss is worse) then here are some starters:
   
   
   • What was your first job ever?
   • Who was your favorite boss in the past and why?
   • When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
   • What do you like best about your job?
   • If money was no object, but you still had to work, what would be your dream job?
6. Find out about their interests and hobbies. This is where it starts to get more personal. It's up to you to carry the conversation beyond these questions in an appropriate way. Just always remember to stay positive, ask questions, and relate.
   
   
   • What do you do in your spare time?
   • What kind of music do you listen to?
   • What kinds of movies do you like to watch?
   • What are your favorite TV shows?
   • What's your favorite board game or card game?
7. Play it safe and don't talk about any of the following:
   
   
   • past relationships
   • anything that can be answered with one word
   • politics
   • religion
   • illness, bad health
   • unpleasant smells
   • job woes (boredom, bad boss, etc.)
   • specialized interests
   • dark topics like serial killers and stalkers
   • bragging
   • any negative judgments
   • giving advice